By Alan Cleaver
Sorry. I know the first bit of the title sounds like a Trump quote. But that's how I've been feeling the last few months, and I've been struggling to come to terms with that. It's also the reason why I have not been blogging for a while. To be honest I do not mind the "fat" part that much. Yes, I gained weight...the equivalent to a mini schnauzer. Yeah, go ahead. I know you want to google it. But it does not bother me that much.
What bothers me in the first place the "stupid" part. I going through brain fog, no motivation, sluggishness and a very poor memory. How forgetful? I forgot the name of that actor with the photoshopped abs. I tried to remember for 5 days until I gave up and googled it. Ryan "gluten-free" Gosling. Aaaargh!
What bothers me in the first place the "stupid" part. I going through brain fog, no motivation, sluggishness and a very poor memory. How forgetful? I forgot the name of that actor with the photoshopped abs. I tried to remember for 5 days until I gave up and googled it. Ryan "gluten-free" Gosling. Aaaargh!
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Me also stopped speaking pretty one day. I had difficulties to smoothly transition between English and German, and I would forget nice big words like 'piriformis', 'ubiquitous' or 'misogynistic'. I would also lose track of trains of thought. If you'd asked me to orally recap Deadpool the movie in 5 minutes, I would jumble everything up and you'll think I was describing the plot of The English Patient.
To get back to the "fat" bit: What bugs me is that weight gain does not go well with trainer or yoga teacher. I still comfortably fit in my workout clothes and thanks to a lucky draw in the gene pond the excess fat is well distributed and I believe I still show enough muscle definition to pass for a member of the fitness profession. But I can tell you, nobody would think I was photoshopped.
Most of us have been struggling with body image issues. If you are lucky it ends with puberty but there's always in tiny bit of teenage angst in us somewhere. And judging from the media the teenage angst has a good reason to act up when it comes to weight gain. Just look how they are tearing apart Adele or Kelly Clarkson.
To get back to the "fat" bit: What bugs me is that weight gain does not go well with trainer or yoga teacher. I still comfortably fit in my workout clothes and thanks to a lucky draw in the gene pond the excess fat is well distributed and I believe I still show enough muscle definition to pass for a member of the fitness profession. But I can tell you, nobody would think I was photoshopped.
Most of us have been struggling with body image issues. If you are lucky it ends with puberty but there's always in tiny bit of teenage angst in us somewhere. And judging from the media the teenage angst has a good reason to act up when it comes to weight gain. Just look how they are tearing apart Adele or Kelly Clarkson.
In Before-And-After pics you only look for one kind of accomplishment... or the lack thereof
There are enough images and online articles which basically express the same thing: "Shit girl! What happened?" Am ashamed to say that my first reaction was the same. The lightning fast reaction, like a knee jerk, can be usually broken down into the following steps:
- See person's look now and compare to before.
- Conclude that look now is worse than before.
- Decide that something has gone wrong from before to get to now.
- Reach the point where that "something" equals the person in question.
- Final stage: You feel a whiff of projected shame because clearly that person has f*cked up.
And Miss Clarkson and the rest of us know people have a tendency to think that way. Because the sad thing is that we tend to think that way when it happens to us no matter what the cause, be it holidays, pregnancy, too much stress or sickness.
I will tell you in my next post what I believe is happening to me. Will definitely keep you posted.
I will tell you in my next post what I believe is happening to me. Will definitely keep you posted.
